More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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