Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
