I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
