im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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