You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
