I'm going to jail i love you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
MIDGETS
????
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
