stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
