first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
being pregnant is like rehab
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
