areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
