I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
