I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
