Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
