my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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