it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
