I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You may now shotgun with the bride
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
