It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
