If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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