There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They have beer where we have blood.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
