Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
