Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
