We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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