The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
