you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
