There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
