all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
