i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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