Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
