Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
