HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
