do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Four minutes until I can fart!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
