i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
