i already hear my dad disowning me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
