After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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