Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
