Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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