you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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