I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
