guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
