theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
