I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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