morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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