I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
