Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
