Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
