i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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