There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
