you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
