smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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