i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
