Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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