big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
